I want to be creative
All my life, I’ve endeavored to be creative. I started out, around age 12, wanting to be a photographer and now that I’m 48 it’s still the thing I’m best at, artistically speaking. It’s a very expensive art though, in terms of the equipment needed to get the results that I want or see in my head. Besides, photography isn’t really an artform that one can really stand out anymore. The proliferation of digital cameras everywhere, there’s really nothing new I personally can bring to the art-form. Everything seems to have been done before so it will either come out as pretentious or derivative.
So early on I’ve tried my hand at other forms of art. Writing, music, drawing, painting…all with limited success. I am incredibly lazy and since I have no ingrained talent to speak of, everything I do in those fields is an uphill battle. It’s hard work to be proficient in the craft of those arts…much less being good or even creative. Mediocrity springs from laziness I believe, at least in my life. Things don’t come easy so when I’m learning a new musical instrument for instance, I get frustrated that I’m not progressing quicker…so then I start looking at a different instrument to learn. Then it goes down the same road. Same with writing, drawing, 3D modeling…you name it, I’ve pretty much tried it and failed at it.
I’m a grand consumer of art though. I love watching movies to see how they lit the scene. How they chose the composition of the scene. It goes back to the photographer inside of me. I love reading books, especially literary fiction. Savoring every word that the author chose to use. I adore going to art museums and seeing the works of the masters…yet just a little sad since I can’t do any of those things.
I know this is just an excuse. I know this little essay is to justify my laziness. If I were to pick one thing and stick with it, I might be able to do something to curb my creative hunger. But I always second guess myself. Instead of learning the piano, maybe I should concentrate on writing. Instead of writing maybe drawing. Instead of drawing I should pick up my bass and master that, or my guitar.
Indecision…
